A Silvery Lining

Soft waves of candlelight flickered inside the tiny church. She walked with a limp but wore her thick silver hair like a priceless crown as the young usher escorted her to the front pew. My grandma was a woman who knew tremendous heartbreak as deeply as she had experienced happy endings. And I believe the impact of how she loved and lived her life, is still unfolding.

After she was seated, a few final notes were struck on the piano and the tempo rose into a crescendo of the wedding march.

The white satin dress, outlined with silk floss embroidery and strings of accents pearls made me feel like the walking was really floating so I tightened the grip on my Dads' arm.

You turned to face me and we laced fingers together like strands of twisted cords.

All I know is that it was a broken road that led us both to that sweet moment. 

I wasn't looking for anyone when you came gently into my life. And there we were, exchanging rings of silver and gold in hopes that maybe, this time, the circle would not be broken, because we both had rings tucked away in drawers from promises that had died.

So, you and I somehow fell in love with hope.

I think I was in love with the idea of us that day. 

The you-ness with me. 

That together we would have us-ness.

And now, twenty-five years, later I'm still taken back by the sweetness of our with-ness.

Looking back, I can see how we were baptized together, bound with slivers of hope and fragile faith. And how the brokenness provided unlikely portals for God to pour His love into us and out through us.

But true Love, demands a response beyond complacency.

All these years? Even on the days, I didn't like you? I've always been committed to ––us.

We've learned to live out the gospel of grace. 

Upon grace. 

Upon Grace.

And God? He's been building in us, character to match the calling He has placed upon our lives. 

As we continue to walk it out, take deliberate steps to live it out, we are proof to our children and to the world how the moments that matter, are the ones lived in love.

Big and flashy doesn't compare to the sweetness of the everyday and the ordinary, which is transformed into the sacred, when done in the name of Jesus.

I can think of many things that you, loving me, has done. The one I hold the closest is how your love has set me free.

All these years your answer to me has been mostly, "Yes."

Goodness knows.... many of the things I've chased were nothing more than vain pursuits. But you have always given me the room to dream and find that out anyway.

God has kept us. From the cry of a newborn to the holding of our grandchildren. There in the everyday piles of unlaundered life. In hospital rooms. Through cancer. Holding out hope in unexpected last breaths. The tragedy and the beauty and all the unveiling of each other.

We have simply lived the best we knew how ––a faithful life.

Together.

The deepest need  of our two souls that candlelit night? Was to know more of Christ so we could be better known by each other.

Miraculously we have done that, despite ourselves and all our human failure.

The lacing of our fingers is how I see our lives together. You fill in empty spaces with quiet strength and surprising discernment which I need desperately to offset my passion for life and spur-of-the-moment choices.

Your integrity is a blanket of protection, not only for me but for our family.

Your words are gentle and assume the best in others.

You are a man who works hard, goes last, and quietly serves where others don’t see.

I'm your biggest fan. I believe in you, I honor you. I adore you. I'm a student of your soul. I can tell in your voice, in your eyes, in the promptings of the Spirit ........the deeper things of how you doing.

Because our souls are weaved together.

I still stare at you in disbelief of how it could be that you and I are  ––us.

Last week I ran my fingers over strands of silver hair that had slipped out from under your ball cap. May we wear this silver hair like a crown.

The best news ever? Twenty-five years later, you and I aren't the same people were.

I came into this marriage trying to hide my obvious emotional limp and now I'm just grateful for all pain that it took so this part of life could happen.

I have found the one my soul loves.

I thank God for unanswered prayers as much as the dreams that have become a reality.

Brokenness allowed more light to shine, revealing the silvery lining.

My hope for us now?

Keep laughing. Keep loving. Keep living for Jesus.

Still amazed that you and I are really... only...  us.

A cord of three strands is not easily broken.

So grateful for every day we get to live out love together.

- - - - - - - - - - -

Celebrating this week with my husband.

Grateful for our God of second, third, and "thousands upon thousands, and ten thousand times ten thousand" chances.

Happy 25th Anniversary JQ. The impact of our lives together..... is still unfolding.